The Sick Bug: A tried and true survival guide!

My friend Shannon has been supporting my writing from the beginning. She was the one who gave me that final nudge that I needed to actually start my blog. So, when she asked me to guest write for her I was happy to do so! Check out my post on her blog, My Sweet Wolf , for some real life suggestions to help deal with the winter "icks"! Yes, that's a technical term...read to find out more...The Sick Bug: A tried and true survival guide!

We went searchin' through thrift store jungles...

For the sake of this post we're going to use "thrifting" as a verb. Now that we have that out of the way...

Thrifting is an adventure. It can most accurately be described as some sort of exotic excursion where its you against the elements in a "kill or be killed" battle for that one treasure hidden among the poisonous weeds and vicious predators. For a trip like that, first you would dream up the concept. Then you would figure out where you're going. Then you would map out a plan of attack and defense. Then you dig, dig, dig. For my sister and I, a day like this requires forethought...kind of. At the very least, it winds up scheduled in my phone, which is as good as written in stone! (hey that rhymes)

I'm not exactly what you would call an "early riser", but Lauren (the sister I speak of, who's closet I frequently reference) likes to get a jump on the day. So on this particular day in December we decided 8:30 would be the departure time and we had one destination- Goodwill in Paramus, NJ. I had never been to this one before, but Lauren had...and she was confident we would score big time. 

So tired. The alarm clock goes off and the war paint gets applied.

We say we're going to leave at 8:30 but in actual Lisa/Lauren language this means 9:15. By the time I get all of my children dressed (I only have one) get coffee made (press a button), and snacks packed, (already made the day before) we still have to take the long drive to Lauren's house. (She lives 40 seconds down the road) So, it's understandable we'd be a little late. We're only human. But, in any case, we're prepared...

Coffee, homemade apple muffins, lemon ricotta cookies, biscotti, and water. Gotta stay hydrated. 

Thrifting breakfast of champions

My sis, her boy Hauk, Lana, and I pile into her car. Off we go! Now, this particular day was rather exciting. Goodwill was having a 40% off sale on all apparel and shoes. On top of that there was a half price deal on certain colored tags! The palpitations start. I can't quite explain the rush of the hunt unless you've ever experienced something similar. Maybe you're an actual hunter. (probably not) Then, you would know what I mean. Also, the adrenaline high I get from my sister's energy is downright inexplicable. It's contagious. Her magical force field of excitement gets transferred to me and we're ready to go. As we pull up to the glass windows, she's already eyeing up some things on the front rack. Then, there's usually some sort of ground rule. This day was no exception. As our children are spilling out of the car with all of their crumbs and drool (Well, the drool is all Hauk. He's perpetually soggy...) she makes her proclamation... 

"Listen. Here's the deal. If you see anything crochet, pass it my way!" 

(Hey, that rhymes too...no wonder we're twins)

I agree to her terms and add no further stipulations of my own. We grab our carts, divide, and conquer. I am pretty sure everybody in that place hated us that day. At least all of the sales associates did. Hauk is pulling things off of the racks left and right. I know for a fact that there's an entire Rock Band set for the Wii scattered throughout that store. If you can find it I'll give you extra credit. Meanwhile, Lana is using her keen sense of style to dress herself as we shop. 

I have to give her my congratulations at this point, since this little look she put together is rather charming.

I need to take a moment to say that women in Goodwill are relentless. I almost had my cart swiped twice. And, I don't know what the difference is in Paramus, but it's worse. Maybe there's some sort of central Jersey "spirit" rushing through that store. Maybe it was pre-holiday mayhem I was feeling. Whatever it was, it was intense. I most certainly had a cart stalker. She would just pop up out of nowhere, her little beady eyes peeking in between the racks of ugly Christmas sweaters. She got progressively bolder as the morning went along. She even commented, "Wow, you have some good things in your cart." (Yeah, yeah...thanks for noticing. Move along. I think there's a mechanical reindeer calling your name over there...) For the record, we really did have some good things in our carts. 

Photographic proof

The fitting rooms in this place are a joke, so Lauren tries on a pretty sweet look right in the aisle

We start weeding through our carts and removing the things that are hideous. At this point the kids are hitting meltdown mode. So, we make our way to the register. Oh, this has to be my favorite part! I've done a tally in my head of how much everything should come to, but that's before discounts. So, I'm trying to figure out if I can add the most amazing lamp to my loot when this weirdo comes out of nowhere and strikes up a conversation. I would like to take a moment to talk about checkout line etiquette. It's ok to say hello. It's ok to briefly comment on the volcanic mound of clothes my sister and I have in our carts...after all it's exploding and spewing molten, hot vintage lava all over the place. But, the second you start talking to me about your life or how the thrift store here is better or there is better or "Wow, did you see the forecast for the weekend?" I'm going to TUNE YOU OUT. This guy was relentless, too. He was saying something about a Veteran's thrift store down the road and then he started giving me (unsolicited) directions to something and...thank goodness!! It's our turn to check out. 

I can't speak highly of the speed at which this lady was ringing Lauren up. I think it took a good 20 minutes to get through her mangled mess of crochet and wool. But, I had the kids occupied and my nephew was pretending to "ride a camel" (That didn't need quotes. But, I like it that way.) through the housewares section so it worked out ok. We played kid and cart relay and swapped when it was my turn at the checkout line. And, my grand total was...

$80!!!

That might seem like a lot for Goodwill, but you should see the amount I got for that. I got Lana an entire wardrobe, practically. And, after losing 20 lbs in the last year (moment of celebration! woohoo!) I was able to get myself some clothes that actually fit. That's always a good thing. My cart was packed. We got some vintage things for the store and I did wind up getting that amazing lamp I spotted when "relentless line talker" was distracting me. 

"I love lamp." 

We made our way home with the satisfaction of knowing that we braved this particular thrift store jungle. Our children were alive, our trunk was full, and, in the battle of "kill or be killed"...we most definitely killed. Onto our next adventure...!

Inspired

I try not to take myself too seriously. But, I guess sometimes life is serious. When things get heavy, the one true outlet I've always had is writing. Words are like Sunday mashed potatoes to my soul. When they come at the right time, they leave me feeling comforted and calm.
(Also, maybe a little fat...the mashed potatoes, not the words)

I realize that poetry is an acquired taste. I also feel like its one of the few art forms where there are more artists than people who appreciate the art, if that makes any sense at all. Nobody visits the Sistine Chapel and thinks "Eh, that's no big deal." But, read someone an intensely personal poem you wrote (IT'S MY MASTERPIECE!! YOU HAVE TO HEAR THIS!!) and they may just react that way. I have this vision where I picture a room full of 400 tortured writers spewing deep personal truths to an audience of maybe 6 people who are half paying attention.

So, to the 6 of you who are half paying attention- please feel free to skip this blog post if it isn't your cup of tea. It's December and I'm reflecting. And my readers get to enjoy (endure??) my reflections. 

INSPIRED

I've been spinning on this sphere

for 32 years

Unfounded fears

It all happens so fast..falling, at last.

At least 

When I fall in my dreams I wake up

Backwards, cascading curls swirling

Tumbling in a heap of glittery stars

...and scars.

My heart is knocking at the walls of my chest

No rest.

Day and night, the pounding pace

Darkness amplifies the bass

The race, the chase

I'll never catch it or even try

to fetch it, faster...

Face it. 

And, the air is so heavy

I feel it bearing down my back 

Relentless and cold

Old shoulders, soldiers

Smoldering with boulders of 

weightless force

Forcing this course

Reflections, remorse

Instantly, in a glass smashing, car crashing

heat rising, ears ringing

birds screaming, tears streaming
skip of a beat...

It will stop being

Lost, nobody tells you the cost

Joy and pain 

Loss and gain

Smiles still remain

We bear the brunt of the days behind us

Chains bind us 

But broken, they're strange

Hoping for change

Trying to arrange for inspiration 

adoration

365 days of elation

Breathe

Find solace in silence

Farewell, red velvet...

We hand pick each and every one of our offerings at Bird in Sea Vintage so they become like precious little children to us. We're just fostering them until they find their permanent home. When I saw this handmade, 1960s treasure on a seemingly normal day of thrift hunting I knew I had found gold. Red. Velvet. Gold. She was jammed in the racks between over-sized shoulder pads and pilly, acrylic sweaters. She was, however, not shy. She practically screamed at me and grabbed my attention. She was pristine. But her metal zipper and bit of exposed, yellow thread told me that she didn't take herself too seriously. We were a lot alike. I named her Holly Berry and we became best friends.

Forlorn...

So, while the purpose of our shop is to..... sell, my heart can't help but tug a little bit when one of my favorites flies off the virtual rack. And, when I got the Etsy notification that Holly Berry had sold I had a moment of joy (Yay! Money!), followed by a moment of (decidedly overdramatic) sadness. 

I contemplated mourning her loss with an evening of red velvet cupcakes and Cupcake brand Red Velvet wine. But, that might be a bit extreme... (Not at all. I'm definitely doing this...) So, to the future owner of perhaps my favorite dress of 2011, congratulations. Please treat her kindly. You don't have to have her in by midnight if you don't want to...in fact, please don't. She likes to party. 

My child is not what you would call a "normal" kid

For anyone who knows my daughter, Lana, the title of this post will not come as a surprise to you. She is the most fascinating and simultaneously the oddest, darkest, most twisted 6-year old I know. I should have known she was going to look at life a little slanted when she had this conversation with my brother at the ripe age of 2 and a half years old:

Lana: Uncle Matt, I scared.
Matt: What are you scared of?
Lana: I scared of triangles.

Normal, right? But, I love it. "Yes", you say. "Every Mom thinks their kid is awesome." And, to this accusation I will give you a pat on the head and say "You're right." But I felt that, in order to support my point, I could present you with a "Best of Lana 2011". I have chronicled some of her strangest moments this year. So, without further ado, I present to you...

LANA'S GREATEST HITS 2011

"No wonder you picked out the name Lana for me. It means log water"
(It does not)
--
Lana: Mom, I know you're allergic to cats. What else are you allergic to?
Me: Nothing, hun. That's it.
Lana: Listen, Mom. I went to Medical School when I was 8. I can help you.
(bear in mind my daughter is 6)
--
In Musical Theatre class:

Lana's teacher: We're going to a party! What is everyone bringing?!
Normal kids: cupcakes! gifts! party hats!
Lana: .....driftwood.
Teacher: Driftwood?! Why driftwood, Lana?
Lana: Because I like driftwood. And then if the electricity goes out, we have something to burn for heat.
--
"Mama, sorry you're sick. Do you think you have the Bieber fever?"
--

"Mama, your arm is kind of like a pancake. You need to work out. You're starting to lose weight and now you need to win weight"
(we really should call it "winning" weight, shouldn't we? spread that one like wildfire)
--
"Gary is really rockin' this party" - Lana, in reference to a friend of ours who fell asleep at a party
--
"I'm gonna miss that little diddle. He was like a son to me."- Lana, in reference to Jesus' death...
--
"Now that's what I call weird!" - Lana, examining a wrench
--
Me: Sometimes people want to do what's right but they still do bad things
Lana: Do you?
Me: Yep! Even Mamas make mistakes, too!
Lana: Welcome to the Dark Side. We've been expecting you. 

And my personal favorite...which pretty much sums it up perfectly...

"Mom, you don't understand. It's like we're living in two different worlds. You're in a world of Unicorns and I'm in a world of Unicorns and Fighting Robots."

Now, if you know me even remotely well, you'll probably say "Lisa, did you really expect to have a normal kid?" to which I'll respond "touche". I'm not exactly what you would call a "normal" girl. And, bear in mind this is the offspring of the man who once had this conversation with me:

Me: I'm so self deprecating.
Ryan: You poop yourself?
Me: No, hun. That's self defecating.
Ryan: Same thing

So, it's no surprise she has some odd things going on in that brain of hers. But, truth be told, I wouldn't have her any other way, driftwood and all. To borrow a line from one of her favorite movies, Alice in Wonderland, my daughter is entirely bonkers. But, I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.