"I can't believe it's turkey" Beer Chili

This weather is the worst. I hate rainy days. The only thing that brings me comfort on days like today (other than boxed wine) is something simmering on the stove. I'm not really one to bang my own gong. But, I have to say...I make a pretty rad turkey chili. (Or so I've been told) My recipe is a result of years of tweaking, adding, omitting and rigorous field testing. (yes, I test on animals...and my dog approves) What I've come up with is a pot of goodness that would rival the finest cow-based chili recipes out there. Purists, beware! There are beans in this....and a slew of other things that would make some chili aficionados cringe. But, you know what? It's good. Quite a few people have asked for my recipe in the last month, which is a bit challenging for me because I kinda add and taste as I go along, so I've never really used a recipe. Because of that, the measurements may not be 100%. And I rarely use the same beer. I find I like the flavor best with a brown ale. Dogfish Head Indian Brown is my favorite in this. It adds a nutty flavor that I enjoy. But, Sam Adams works great, too. Pretty much, use whatever you have on hand. Any beer is better than no beer at all. (Except Coors Light...please don't put Coors Light in this...) Have fun with this recipe. It's all about layering flavors, and turkey is not an exceptionally flavorful meat to begin with. So, definitely season every step of the way. If you find it needs more of something to make it to your liking, go for it! It's perfectly acceptable to customize this. You officially have my permission. (I know, you can all breathe a collective sigh of relief. Whew.) This makes enough for a pretty big pot. I've fed 12 people with this recipe and had some left over. Alright, here we go:

"I can't believe it's turkey" Beer Chili


2 lbs. ground turkey
2 tbsp olive oil
1 large onion (or 2 medium), diced
5 cloves garlic (I've been known to throw a whole bulb in here), finely minced
2 green peppers, diced
2 cans crushed tomatos (the large cans)
2 cans diced tomatos with green chilis (14.5 oz cans)
1 can corn (when the corn is in season, I use fresh off the cob, 4 ears or so)
2 or 3 cans beans (depending on how much of a legume fan you are. Any combo is fine. my favorite combo is black beans and kidney, white is great too)
Good bit of fresh cilantro


Seasoning Mix- If it's not noted, I measure in half palm fulls, and then season to taste:
Chili Powder
Cumin
Garlic Powder
2 tbsp Sea Salt
1 tbsp black pepper
1 tbsp crushed red pepper (half if you're not into the spice...(also, what's wrong with you!? man up!))
1.5 bottles of beer (on the wall...)

Heat a large pot over medium and get some olive oil down in there. About two swirls of the bottom of the pot. Add your ground turkey and a good bit of cumin, sea salt, and black pepper. Cook until the turkey is about half done (brownish, not pinkish). Add the diced onion, pepper, and garlic. Cook about 5 minutes til the onions and pepper are tender and the turkey is cooked through. Add 1 bottle of beer. Cook down until the liquid reduces by about half...probably like 10 minutes. Now dump everything else in (crushed tomatos, diced tomatos with green chilis, corn, beans). Add the seasoning. (half palm full of chili powder, half palm full of cumin, half palm full of garlic powder, sea salt, black pepper, crushed red pepper). Stir. (You can take a shortcut here and use about 2.5 packets of your favorite Chili seasoning, like McCormick or Old El Paso, but I find that if you do that you still have to add more cumin, salt, and chili powder...Up to you!) Simmer everything for about 5 minutes and add the other half bottle of beer. Stir. Reduce heat to low, and let it go! 

Taste, and season as needed. This should cook together for about a half hour. After that, add a good bit of fresh cilantro. Stir together and remove from heat. 


Serve with shredded cheese, sour cream, diced raw onion, fresh cilantro, Sriracha, or whatever other toppings you can dream up! Pro tip- Make this the night before you plan on devouring it. Let it cool, throw it in the fridge, and reheat on the stove when you want it. I find it's even better the second day when all of the ingredients get to hang out and know each other a little bit better. But, for the impatient among us,  it's pretty amazing right out of the gate too. 

This doesn't skimp on flavor at all, but isn't bad on calories either! So feel free have as much as you want. If you try it out let me know what you think in the comments below!

I made the ugliest toy imaginable.

Sewing has never been my strong suit.

Let me rephrase that. If we lined up suits in order of "Incredible Hulk Strong" to "Strength of a Sea Sponge" sewing would fall far below "sponge level". I consider myself a fairly artsy craftsy girl at times, but let's make this clear...I can't sew. Does that stop me? Nope. I'm also a stubborn girl. I'm always up for a challenge (...and wildly overconfident)

So, when we pulled up at a yard sale this weekend and I saw the book, Stupid Sock Creatures staring me in the face, I knew it had to be mine. I forgot about my frugality for a second and forked over the 100 cents to purchase it. (I know, right?? That's steep) The bug-eyed sock monkey/rabbit hybrid on the cover just called out to me! I'm always looking for fun homeschool projects for Lana and this seemed just weird enough to fit the bill and hold her perpetually divided attention for more than a few seconds.We could talk about reusing and recycling and also have some hands-on fun resulting in a quirky, new friend. Sold!

So, we sat down with our arsenal of ingredients ready to perform a complete transformation: Major plastic surgery on an unsuspecting pair of socks. Scissors, needle, thread, buttons, my newly acquired book and my iPhone (to document the madness) were all laid out in front of me.

We followed the advice in the beginning of the book and picked the least complicated pattern, a strange little gigantic-lipped bird-like creature (sans wings) with disproportionately large arms and legs. This seemed simple enough. Lana eagerly started helping me cut and lay out the various different components of our new creation. We worked, cutting, pinning and hand sewing for a solid hour and we were making good progress!

(I see you...)

But, as Lana's attention span started to deteriorate, I quickly realized I was in this for the long haul...by myself. I could have taken a break but I just wanted to finish! I'm impatient (and irrational) like that. Backstitch, Basting stitch, (I know absolutely nothing about stitches. Every one of my stitches looks like a fourth grade home ec project or the result of a bad accident in a horror movie) pin opposite seams together, crimp the neck portion using the neck method on page 23, check your work, flip back to page 30, attach the arms using the circumference method, flip to page 29, attach the arms inside out. Two hours have now gone by and Lana has moved onto her reading assignment. I have not eaten anything but a bite of her breakfast and 3 cups of coffee.

This creature was taking shape. In my malnourished, overly caffeinated, crafting haze I was figuring it out! Lana was cheering me on "Good job making my toy, mama. I'm going to ride my scooter now." ("Sure, dear." This makes a lot of sense...) and then... onto the lips. Oh the lips. I literally stared at this page in the book for 15 minutes. My eyes started crossing. Lana was worried. She exclaimed "Mama! She doesn't need lips! Let's just finish this!" But, I was determined. It took me a few minutes to realize that we were supposed to stuff the thing and turn it inside out before doing the lips. So, Lana helped me stuff it to capacity and we sewed it up! After we finished, Lana picked out perfectly mismatched button eyes and we stood back and admired our creation.....

Now I love sock monkeys, but this is literally the ugliest toy imaginable.

Her arms look like two lumpy sausages. Her lips are uneven and too low. Her ears never filled out. Her stitches are ragged. Her head is three times bigger than her body. Her legs are minscule. And, to top it all off she hangs by a completely unnecessary loop. (The book says "you can hang him by your car's antenna by the necktie loop in his head." Um, if you ever see something like this hanging on someone's antenna....run the other way. The person is clearly has issues.) Lana named her Lulu Monster and we had a little photo-shoot.

 I thought placing Lulu in a natural setting would help her beauty shine through. I was wrong.

I ran her through a number of photo apps, but nothing could help Lulu. She looks even creepier in black and white, as you can see at the bottom of this picture. She is just plain hideous.

So, next time maybe we'll try to make the deliciously adorable eight-eyed "Socktopus" in the back of the book. Or the creepily cute "Geneveive" with her tattered sock bows attached to her floppy ears. Or we'll leave the sewing to the professionals and just splash paint on things like we normally do. Yeah, that sounds like a plan. Actually...maybe we'll start with splashing paint on Lulu Monster...that might help. For the record, we both think Lulu is (a tiny bit) cute (in the ugliest way possible). So, for those of you who are worried, we will love and cherish her (until the dog decides to rip her apart). 

Get the book and kit here and put me to shame!

Just some stream of consciousness...

Stained Glass Eyes

There exists a thread that binds our lives

With precision it pierces inside and slides 

effortlessly through souls, then perfectly ties.

Invisible, Untouchable, Indestructible

A thread, soaring in a stream of love 

Arrayed in lines of blue and gray.

Today, I see with stained glass eyes a truth that can only be read in black and white.

Squinting to gain some sense of sight

A kaleidoscope kind of fight at night. 

Streams of light, so bright

Ignite the plight that can't seem right.

 Stacked in jewels that shimmer alone

But together, they shine in explosions of crystal color. 

Alone they sparkle

But are unstoppable when united

This truth slips through stacks of colored sand

Impossible to understand. 

Not planned. Pained

And it's painted in perfect brush strokes 

Spoken in hugs and smiles and sighs

A truth that cries out in a language we can't translate.

But we wait. 

Earth gives way to seed and grass and in time

 the past is a mist in the distance

A cloud of laughter, a glance, a chance once more

for the thread to soar, or at least for peace. 

Draw Something...now...

The social gaming sensation that's sweeping the nation is Draw Something. If you haven't experienced this mobile artistic phenomenon let me enlighten you on how it works. You draw something. And your friends guess it. Like this:

After guessing your drawing your friend sends you a drawing. And round and round we go. Now I use the word "drawing" loosely here. You pretty much send your friends whatever you can smudge on your phone screen with your finger. (Unless you happen to be fortunate enough to have a tablet...it's a little easier that way...) It's an app that you can play on iOS or Android and it's downright hilarious. This game is way too ridiculous. But, for such a ridiculous game I have to say- I have learned many things since I started playing. Number one...I spend way too much time on meaningless sketches when a simple line drawing will do. I like to doodle. Sue me. I like a background color and highlights and things that are completely unnecessary for a mobile game. Color me odd. (No, really. Next time you get the word "odd", draw me. I'll get it.) Number two...I will also almost always wait for my friends to finish their drawing before I guess. I love to see their thought process.  (Draw a line. No wait! My brush is too big! Erase. Draw again. What am I doing?? Trash that. Ok, now I have it. No wait! Why am I drawing a blue face?? Try again. Ok...now I definitely have it...) This game has endeared me to my friends so much that I just have to give some of them honorable mention. So congratulations to the following...

Spelling fail

So sorry, Kristine, that you thought "Iceberg" was spelled "Iceburg" and subsequently could not guess this word. I love you and you're the cutest and the prettiest anyway so who even cares? Spelling is for wimps. 

(I, too, am guilty of this one while guessing. Assassin isn't the easiest word to spell....right? right?)

Pop culture fail

I went retro Tin Tin on this one, which in hindsight might have been a bad idea. I should have drawn two tin cans or something...but you have to love the lack of "chat" function that makes writing messages out to your friends almost as fun as drawing the pictures in the first place! 

"I haven't seen Tin Tin yet, lol, Sorry!"

Color Fail

If you're going to develop the most popular new game this year (50 million dowloads in 50 days! What!??) you might want to make it a little less glitchy. However, if it was a little less glitchy I wouldn't get sweet, hand-written notes like this! Sorry, friend...that  all of your colors went "poof"! 

I have also learned that no matter how many times I guess correctly and Draw Something tells me that I'm "Drawsome" I never get sick of hearing that I'm "Drawsome". Thank you, Draw Something. I was having a bad day. I was feeling quite "drawful" but now? Things are looking up.  

If you haven't tried this game, try it. If you have tried it and are addicted to it (I do NOT fall into this category. I do not presently have 18 games. I do not contemplate deleting it and forgetting about it on a daily basis. None of those statements apply to me. I'm just saying...if YOU'RE addicted to it...) my deepest sympathies. It's a heavy burden to bear. Do you remember when drawing games were no pressure? They were squares on a board and tiny white sheets of paper and minuscule pencils and groups of friends screaming at the top of their lungs and "all plays"... (Yeah, neither do I) So, to whomever the genius is who developed this game...kudos. Such a simple concept, but so much fun. And, to my friends who I'm nudging...well, nudging is fun. You get  honorable mention here as well. Consider this the mother of all nudges...the public nudge. 

And for those of you nudging me? I get it! I get it! I'm busy! I'm blogging...I'm just gonna delete this game and forget about it!!! (But really? Thanks for the reminder. I'll draw something...now...)

Falafel-icious

Dear, humble chick-pea! You never cease to amaze me! You don't have the smooth, jewel-toned complexion of your cousin, the kidney bean. You lack the mysterious intrigue of your brother, the black-eyed pea. And, you certainly don't prance around in formal attire all day long like your friend, the black bean. Your nutty, beige, lackluster demeanor may fool the un-trained eye into thinking you're boring. But, you...my friend are delicious. And, you seem to have won your way into my heart, and my subconscious, especially lately.

I have always enjoyed the smooth texture of a good hummus. Give me some chick-pea, olive oil, tahini, garlic, salt, lemon, paprika and a few pita and I'm a happy girl. The only other girl I know who loves hummus more than anyone I know, though, is my sweet sister -in-law, Beth. She eats it for breakfast. True story. She also enjoys a good falafel, which is a deep-fried patty of chick peas, spices, and a whole lotta love. My sister Lauren has made some for me several times, so this weekend Beth and I decided to make some of our own! We embarked on this adventure armed with just a few ingredients. Beth had a recipe she wanted to use, so I was on board! Some simple chick peas, onion, garlic, fresh cilantro, sea salt, paprika, coriander and just a little (palms FULL of) cumin.

We chopped, smashed, and processed everything and kept tasting for seasoning. Beth turned her back...I dumped more salt in there (cause that's how I roll). I turned my back...she dumped cumin in there (cause she's exotic like that). After all of the renegade seasoning I took one final taste and shouted "OH man! That's good!" in my loudest, most congratulatory manner. I have a hard time not thinking of her as 15 years old...I was so proud of her. This exclamation was genuine. (Picture this in the style of "good girl!" like you would say to your puppy...or two year old...Beth, however is 28.) She looked at me puzzled, as if to say "Wow!? That was serious!?" And, oh, the laughter that ensued. You have to know Beth in order to know what "laughter" means....I never knew what the word meant until I met her. Its' a mix between a hyena and all of the tropical birds in the world yelling at the same time. It's joy, personified. I wish I could bottle it. That mess would make millions. 

We mixed in an egg to bind  the mixture and "assembly lined" the rest of the falafel. She made the patties, floured them, and I lowered them gently into some 350 degree oil. We figured it was 350 degrees. We threw some water in there and it sizzled so we called it good. We're soul fryers. Who needs a thermometer? (In hindsight I can admit this could have been the reason why they were "slightly" underdone...but still...I like my falafel "al dente", so chew on that. Literally.) We fried, we drained, we repeated. And, in the end we really did have some yummy tasting patties of goodness. We served them up with a simple cucumber, yogurt, dill dipping sauce. I like to think the flavor was enjoyed by all who partook. But, in any case...we liked them. I put my head to bed that night knowing that we could build upon that already delicious recipe next time! I wish I took a picture of the finished product, but I didn't intend on blogging about it. Boy, was I wrong...the chick pea would not be ignored, apparently, because he rolled his way into my subconscious and got to work! 

Last night I had a dream about falafel. (If I had a nickel for every time I heard that one...) It was a short, but powerful dream. Beth and I were in my kitchen and we were mixing up our falafel but we decided to add cheese and spinach. They were seasoned to perfection, cooked perfectly, and when they came out of the fryer they were oozing with melted goodness. In my dream, it was some sort of manchego (or equally gooey) cheese that transformed this falafel from fabulous to falafel-icious. I awoke wondering if this creation actually exists! I knew I could ask my friend and fellow foodie, Logan at Eat A Duck. And, while he wasn't sure if this specific breed of falafel exists in real life, he suggested modifying my imaginary recipe by adding halloumi cheese and kale. He also suggested adding lemon next time, which would definitely brighten it up. 

I'm excited to try this! I'm thinking up all sorts of varieties of stuffed falafel now. It's like a big, old Mediterranean door has swung open. It's a falafa-palooza! The possibilities are endless! And, that, my friends, is the wonderful thing about the humble chick-pea. He's versatile. He's adaptable. He's there when I need him. He's healthy, filling, and downright adorable. You can soak him, blend him, smash him, fry him and in the end he will still make his way into your dreams, and gently suggest that you try again.

My garbanzo bean partner in crime and I. 

Drive-by style post!

I work from home. I home-school. I blog. I have an online business. And, while I like to think I'm an outdoorsy girl, (I am at heart. Pass the granola.) I pretty much spend 7/8 of my life confined to the four walls of my 1300 square-foot apartment. I am a modern day hermit (Is there such a thing as a "modern day" hermit? Maybe I should just say hermit. I'm a hermit.) So when life hands me an opportunity to get out of my yoga pants and one of 24 ill fitting t-shirts I own, I grab that opportunity by the goatee and run with it. Literally.


Life handed me an appointment with the eye doctor the other day. And, while most people would say "Calm down, Lisa! What is wrong with you? Going to the eye doctors in the middle of the day!? Who do you think you are, Madonna??" I decided to do go out on a limb, take a chance, live life on the edge, and go for it. Panic set in when I realized I probably shouldn't face the public looking like a cross between one of the goblins from Labyrinth, Albert Einstein, and the girl who teaches your 9am aerobics class. I went to grab some jeans and a sweater but suddenly the unseasonably warm winter inspired me! I put together this little number and the most fabulous little 6 year old photographer I know decided she needed to document mama in "real" clothes.

Corduroy blazer- Vintage, Goodwill

Wool shorts- Vintage, my sister

Tunic- GAP via Goodwill

Wool leggings- obtained from clothes swap

Boots- Born

Scarf- Vintage, Goodwill

Ethnic embroidered bag- Vintage, my sister

That whole outfit probably cost me a total of $100 and that's only because the boots were $70 (marked down from $270 and I pretty much wear them every day I leave the house...don't judge!) So there's my $30 outfit! I found you can mix patterns and textures as long as they're in the same color family and you don't look like a crazy person. (So I have everyone fooled...cause clearly I'm nuts) I got to shower, put on normal clothes, get out of the house, and I scored some pretty sweet glasses, too..thanks to my friends at Riehle Opticians! I'll file that day under "success".

I got big, geeky glasses so I'm allowed into the "legit bloggers" club now. Such an honor.

The Sick Bug: A tried and true survival guide!

My friend Shannon has been supporting my writing from the beginning. She was the one who gave me that final nudge that I needed to actually start my blog. So, when she asked me to guest write for her I was happy to do so! Check out my post on her blog, My Sweet Wolf , for some real life suggestions to help deal with the winter "icks"! Yes, that's a technical term...read to find out more...The Sick Bug: A tried and true survival guide!