My child is not what you would call a "normal" kid

For anyone who knows my daughter, Lana, the title of this post will not come as a surprise to you. She is the most fascinating and simultaneously the oddest, darkest, most twisted 6-year old I know. I should have known she was going to look at life a little slanted when she had this conversation with my brother at the ripe age of 2 and a half years old:

Lana: Uncle Matt, I scared.
Matt: What are you scared of?
Lana: I scared of triangles.

Normal, right? But, I love it. "Yes", you say. "Every Mom thinks their kid is awesome." And, to this accusation I will give you a pat on the head and say "You're right." But I felt that, in order to support my point, I could present you with a "Best of Lana 2011". I have chronicled some of her strangest moments this year. So, without further ado, I present to you...

LANA'S GREATEST HITS 2011

"No wonder you picked out the name Lana for me. It means log water"
(It does not)
--
Lana: Mom, I know you're allergic to cats. What else are you allergic to?
Me: Nothing, hun. That's it.
Lana: Listen, Mom. I went to Medical School when I was 8. I can help you.
(bear in mind my daughter is 6)
--
In Musical Theatre class:

Lana's teacher: We're going to a party! What is everyone bringing?!
Normal kids: cupcakes! gifts! party hats!
Lana: .....driftwood.
Teacher: Driftwood?! Why driftwood, Lana?
Lana: Because I like driftwood. And then if the electricity goes out, we have something to burn for heat.
--
"Mama, sorry you're sick. Do you think you have the Bieber fever?"
--

"Mama, your arm is kind of like a pancake. You need to work out. You're starting to lose weight and now you need to win weight"
(we really should call it "winning" weight, shouldn't we? spread that one like wildfire)
--
"Gary is really rockin' this party" - Lana, in reference to a friend of ours who fell asleep at a party
--
"I'm gonna miss that little diddle. He was like a son to me."- Lana, in reference to Jesus' death...
--
"Now that's what I call weird!" - Lana, examining a wrench
--
Me: Sometimes people want to do what's right but they still do bad things
Lana: Do you?
Me: Yep! Even Mamas make mistakes, too!
Lana: Welcome to the Dark Side. We've been expecting you. 

And my personal favorite...which pretty much sums it up perfectly...

"Mom, you don't understand. It's like we're living in two different worlds. You're in a world of Unicorns and I'm in a world of Unicorns and Fighting Robots."

Now, if you know me even remotely well, you'll probably say "Lisa, did you really expect to have a normal kid?" to which I'll respond "touche". I'm not exactly what you would call a "normal" girl. And, bear in mind this is the offspring of the man who once had this conversation with me:

Me: I'm so self deprecating.
Ryan: You poop yourself?
Me: No, hun. That's self defecating.
Ryan: Same thing

So, it's no surprise she has some odd things going on in that brain of hers. But, truth be told, I wouldn't have her any other way, driftwood and all. To borrow a line from one of her favorite movies, Alice in Wonderland, my daughter is entirely bonkers. But, I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.